I intend to make up to all (a-hem) my faithful readers and other kind people who I'm slowly discovering have been linking to this blog (leave some messages, eh?) by including in this blog a poem, a few meaningless facts and, as ever, a gut bustingly funny astro joke.
In other news, I finally finished my certificate for the Faculty of Astrological Studies. I was trying to gain some sort of recognition for the person who employs their retrograde Mercury in the most pointless and stupid manner in the history of astrology (and that's a long history my friend). So I gave up and smartened up. . .and I finally got the certificate.
Here's a few pointless facts to celebrate having Uranus in Pisces:
1. The longest one-syllable word in the English language is "screeched."
2. "Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt"
3. Almonds are members of the peach family.
4. The symbol on the "pound" key (#) is called an octothorpe.
5. The dot over the letter 'i' is called a tittle.
6. Ingrown toenails are hereditary.
7. The word "set" has more definitions than any other word in the English language.
8. "Underground" is the only word in the English language that begins and ends with the letters "und."
9. There are only four words in the English language which end in "-dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.
10. The longest word in the English language, according to the Oxford English Dictionary, is pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis.
11. The only other word with the same amount of letters is its plural: pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosesl.
12. The longest place-name still in use is Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateaturipukakapikimaungahoronukup okaiwe-nuakit natahu, a New Zealand hill.
13. Los Angeles's full name is "El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reinade los Angeles de Porciuncula" and can be abbreviated to 3.63% of its size,L.A.
14. An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
15. Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.
16. Alfred Hitchcock didn't have a belly button. It was eliminated when he was sewn up after surgery.
17. Telly Savalas and Louis Armstrong died on their birthdays.
18. Donald Duck's middle name is Fauntleroy.
19. The muzzle of a lion is like a fingerprint - no two lions have the same pattern of whiskers.
20. A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.
21. There is a seven-letter word in the English language that contains ten words without rearranging any of its letters, "therein": the,there, he, in, rein, her, here, ere, therein, herein.
22. Dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood donors.
23. A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.
24. It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
25. Cranberries are sorted for ripeness by bouncing them; a fully ripened cranberry can be dribbled like a basketball.
26. The letters KGB stand for Komitet Gosudarstvennoy Bezopasnosti
27. 'Stewardesses' is the longest English word that is typed with only the left hand.
28. The combination "ough" can be pronounced in nine different ways; the following sentence contains them all: "A rough-coated, dough-faced, thoughtful ploughman strode through the streets of Scarborough; after falling into a slough, he coughed and hiccoughed."
29. The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable.
30. Facetious and abstemious contain all the vowels in the correct order, as does arsenious, meaning "containing arsenic."
31. Emus and kangaroos cannot walk backwards, and are on the Australian seal for that reason.
32. Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds, while dogs only have about ten.
33. The word "Checkmate" in chess comes from the Persian phrase "Shah Mat," which means "the king is dead."
34. The reason firehouses have circular stairways is from the days of yore when the engines were pulled by horses. The horses were stabled on the ground floor and figured out how to walk up straight staircases.
And of course, as promised, a very special Mars in the ninth joke:
A man suffering from premature ejaculation went to get some advice from his doctor. The doc told him that masturbating before sex often helped men last longer during the act. The man decided, "What the hell, I'll try it." He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it. He couldn't do it in his office. He thought about the restroom, but that was too open. He considered an alley, but figured that was too unsafe. He couldn't do it home because he didn't want his wife to know. Finally, he realized his solution. On his way home, he pulled his truck over on the side of the highway. He got out and crawled underneath as if he was examining the truck. Satisfied with the privacy, he undid his pants and started to do the business. He closed his eyes and thought of his wife. Just as he was getting into it, he felt a quick tug at the bottom of his trousers. Not wanting to lose his mental fantasy, he kept his eyes shut and replied, "What?"
He heard, "This is the police. What's going on down there?"
The man replied, "I'm checking out the rear axle, it's busted."
The policeman then replied, "Well, you might as well check your brakes too while you're down there because your truck rolled down the hill 5 minutes ago."